When is your Short Term Relationship Over?

When did I realize my relationship was over?

When the witty, sarcastic texts that were “intelligent”
were now recognized as rude.

When the late night phone calls that woke me up to chat
were now ignored.

When his horrible singing and guitar playing that was “just so cute”,
was now nothing but complete annoyance.

When the hours without response at work were tolerable,
were now intolerable.

When his anger and command “came from a caring” place
was now recognized as his own selfishness and insecurity.

When his indecisiveness meant that he was “open-minded and self reflective”
instead of just being a reckless asshole.

But when did I really realize that my relationship was over?
When I woke up knowing I couldn’t give a damn if he was in my life anymore.



The Color Red

I was on tumblr one day and saw this in someone’s question box.  Their answer gave me chills; what an amazing writer and a gifted mind.


“Describe the color red without using the word red.”

When you dip her in the middle of the dance floor, it is the color of her dress.  When she whispers in your ear, it is the color of her lips.  When you make love, it is the trace you want her to leave all over your body.  When she places her hand over heart, it is the color that comes to the surface as her fingertips trail like a sentence that can never be finished.  When you see her in your bedroom with another, it is the color of your breath.  When you smash the vase in the hall, it is the color that threatens you to abandon the shattered pieces.  When you scream at the top of your lungs, it is the color that pierces the atmosphere.  When she hears you, it is the color of her pulse.  When you look in her eyes for the last time, it is the fading color of your heart falling to your knees.  It is not the color you see when she leaves.


Bad Karma

I know I haven’t written in a while but basically my life has consisted of moving into my new apartment back in MN. And going to Cousins then to bartend at state fair. I crash when I get home and don’t have time to write. However right now I am on my lunch break at work so I thought I’d catch up on my blogging.

I don’t like being negative but I’m about to vent about what happened the other day.

Now, I am Christian but I still believe in Karma, and boy I must have done something really bad to deserve the horrible day I had. I usually never have horrible days so maybe it was just that time.

It all started at the internship where I was having a field experience with a guy in the marketing department. He’s a few years older than me and we basically spent 6 hours together traveling to different locations that are 1.5 hours away and what not. I just couldn’t tell if I liked him. One minute I would, and he’d be really funny, but then the next second I’d think, “Dude I can barely fit in this car because your ego is taking up all the room.” So that was a very interesting day and quite tiring after a while. I told him that I NEEDED to be back before 5 so I could make it down to state fair and what time did we get back at? 5:15, and I still needed to change! I work at 6 and the drive with traffic is at least 45 mins…..you tell me how that’s going to go.

So I was running really late with the Milwaukee traffic and I FINALLY got down there. I usually take the bus from the park and ride but I wouldn’t have time. SO I parked at the Walgreens down the road and ran in. (Also got ID’d for being under 18 to be let into the fair which made me LOL)

Work was really slow and tips were pretty much non-existent so that was another bummer. But that doesn’t compare to what happened next. I got off around 10:35 and started walking to the Walgreens only to notice that my car was no longer there. I literally walked back from the beginning block and back again to see if it would magically show up but it didn’t. I saw a cop driving around the Walgreens so I yelled out OFFICER! And he stopped looking completely unenthusiastic about me stopping his little merry go round. Do you ever approach cops and try to ask for help and they act like it’s an inconvenience? Yeah, I don’t understand it either. Anyway, I told him I thought my car had been towed. I explained where it was parked and what it looked like and sure enough it was at the local tow shop, waiting for me. The Dialogue:

Officer: “Yeah, your car was towed because you can’t park here. This is private property, but you better call the tow place and see if they are still open because if they aren’t your parents will have to come and pick you up.”

Me: “Awesome.”

I called them and they were open…..

Me:”So where are they located?”

Officer: “It’s literally just down this road a couple blocks then take a left on national and then another left…….” I stopped listening because I already was lost.

Me:” So I’m just suppose to walk there right now since I clearly don’t have a car?”

Officer:”Yeah it’s not that far at all.”

I literally put on my most charming smile in the whole world and said, “but Officer, is that really safe?”

He paused and just stared out of the front window and I waited thinking, yeah, you better drive me. There’s no way I’m walking this late at night in this neighborhood.

He turned and smirked and said “get in the back”.

I said thank you about 10 times and then said “Hey Officer! This is my first time in the back of a police car! I never realized how uncomfortable it is!”

He legitimately turned around and said, “Watch out Milwaukee County we have a badass over here. And what’d you expect? A Four Seasons back there?” And I just lost it because this day had just been so ridiculous so the only thing left to do was laugh. As we were driving he made it very clear that he was not the one that towed my car, so not to be upset with him which I thought was pretty funny because usually cops don’t give a shit about anything.

He dropped me off at the tow place and I gave him a hug, no lie friends, an awkward side hug. Because he really didn’t need to take me there and I was grateful he ended up being so nice. I walked inside the tow place and low and behold two Rottweilers greeted me–intimidating much?! Is this a tow house or a drug house?! The tow people (there were about 6) were loud and actually hilarious. Long story short I told them what happened and said it sucked but it was okay because they were just doing their job. They all laughed and the girl was like, “You’re the first person ever to say ‘it’s okay’ after we’ve towed a car.” And I laughed because I guess that is pretty funny to say after your car has been towed. We started talking about drunk people and how I witnessed a very drunk girl demand to say a personal goodnight to each sheep. They thought that was funny too, and guess what, the owner liked me so much he took off $75 dollars.

“It sounds like you work hard and have a great attitude so today I’m only charging you for the tow, none of those other fees.” So $125 instead of 200. I said thank you 10 times more than what I said to the police officer and walked around with one of the guys to get my car. Before I left he opened the door for me and said “Oh yeah, and this ticket was on your car from the police (50.00 for trespass parking). And you should really come back sometime.” I basically yelled, “I hope I never have to come here because that mean my car was towed!!”

“No, not like that. Just to hang out.”

“Yeah! Maybe I’ll bring you all some cookies or something for helping me out.”

And I awkwardly started driving away……

And then on the way home I cried because I really can’t afford all of this bogusness and the day had just really sucked. When I got home my mom was waiting up for me so she could give me a hug and I could just yell “today fucking sucked!!” Sometimes that’s all you need.

I swear to you that my life is far from boring, and tomorrow it will get better.


On a side note I had my weigh in and lost 4.5 pounds! Yay!

Catch you guys later, back to work for me.

Probably Should Have Slapped Him…

I don’t have time to write much because I need to get to bed, but I do want to quick write something that really pissed me off tonight while working. Sure there’s customers that really can get under your skin by asking annoying questions like “what comes on the Parmesan Garlic bread?” —(hmmm i dunno, cinnamon?!) or pesters you while you’re making the sub ( just one more black olive on there please.). But what happened tonight with a customer really upset me. A little kid and husband and wife came in and ordered. They got subs, soups and drinks. When the order was finished I walked it out and the wife was half way to me and wanted to take the tray from me. I gave it to her and as I walked back into the kitchen I hear a huge crash. After I ran back out I saw that she had slipped and dropped the whole tray of food. It looked as if she was going to cry, and I immediately said, “it’s okay, don’t clean up, I can do it. I’ll get you some new food right away.” As I started to clean up the husband turns to her and says, ” you know what? You’re such a fucking dumbass, you know that?” He was serious. Not only did he just demean his wife in front of me, in public, but in front of his kid. I was livid. So I didn’t say anything inappropriate like “do one, you prick!” I turned to the wife and said, “honestly, it’s okay, it was just an accident and accidents happen, I’ll take care of everything for you.” The husband then replied, “it wasn’t an accident, she did it on purpose.” I’d like to tell you that he was goofing around with her…but he wasn’t. The way he said it was so rude and nasty I needed to walk away. I literally wanted to punch him. After we re made the food, and I regained my composure, I went out and set the food down on their table and the husband says “now look the sweet girl in her eyes and tell her you’re sorry for what you did.” I legitimately could not believe my ears. I was silently begging her to turn to him and say “fuck off” but she obeyed. Looked me in my eyes and said sorry. I was so disgusted with him. I again looked only at her and told her it was fine and mistakes happen and no one should overreact about an accident.

Are you kidding me?! I just thought it was appalling how he treated his wife and how she fully took it on. I almost feel guilty for not saying something more…. But had to keep it professional at work.

I don’t know, but I can tell you one thing. No man is EVER going to treat me that way, you can count on that baby.