When is your Short Term Relationship Over?

When did I realize my relationship was over?

When the witty, sarcastic texts that were “intelligent”
were now recognized as rude.

When the late night phone calls that woke me up to chat
were now ignored.

When his horrible singing and guitar playing that was “just so cute”,
was now nothing but complete annoyance.

When the hours without response at work were tolerable,
were now intolerable.

When his anger and command “came from a caring” place
was now recognized as his own selfishness and insecurity.

When his indecisiveness meant that he was “open-minded and self reflective”
instead of just being a reckless asshole.

But when did I really realize that my relationship was over?
When I woke up knowing I couldn’t give a damn if he was in my life anymore.

-Hilary

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To Write Love on her Arms

This quote is from the TWLOHA blog called “Happy Birthday”. It really speaks to me.

“i like birthdays. i like them more for other people but i’m glad we celebrate them. At the heart of it is the opportunity to tell someone ‘I’m glad that you were born,’ which is also to say ‘I’m glad that you’re alive.’ Those are powerful statements. The world would be a different better place if we lived that way, if we said and showed those things, more than once a year.

i hope TWLOHA can be something like that, an attempt to say those things more often, to say that we are thankful for life and stories and certainly yours. i hope that we can be something like a gift, something like a favorite song or some show that you remember, some piece of hope or life or strength to hold against the walls when they feel cracked or falling. i hope we can be a reminder that life is worth fighting for, that your friends and family are worth fighting for, that love and beauty still happen, that change still happens. We’ll only ever be part of the process, words on a screen in the middle of the night – i hope they find you like a friend. A t-shirt pulled from one of your drawers early on a tired silent morning – i hope you feel less alone when you look in the mirror. i hope it reminds you of community, that you’re part of a bigger thing. i hope it sparks some conversation that brings change like a fire on the coldest night.

You’ll need more than us. You’ll need more and better. You’ll need other people. You’ll need people to help you process, people to help you let go, people to help you remember what’s true and people to help you forget what’s lies. You’ll need the stories and advice of people with gray hair or white hair or no hair at all. Don’t buy the lie that suggests they have nothing to offer or nothing to say – they were young once too. They are stories still going and they’ve seen the places you will go. They’ve been stuck at times as well, just like you and me and everyone.

You’ll need coffee shops and sunsets and road trips. Airplanes and passports and new songs and old songs, but people more than anything else. You will need other people and you will need to be that other person to someone else, a living breathing screaming invitation to believe better things.

We’re saying the story doesn’t end here, that the air in your lungs is there for a reason. Perhaps we’re all in the business of better endings, you as much as us, the business of redemption. Yours and mine and all the characters around us, and perhaps that bigger thing. i’ll steal from Bono here and tell you that i believe we’re far from alone in this, that God’s been at this for a long time, this business of buying things back, making things new. If this is starting to sound too Churchy or spiritual, i’ll simply say that i believe God gives a shit, about your life, about your story, about your pain. And if those possibilities feel too far or they just sound weird, then rest now and we’ll get back to people.

We give a shit.

The darkness wins too often. Broken things build themselves in silence. People feel alone. People give up. People talk about this stuff like it’s math or they don’t talk about it at all.

So what are we doing? Why this page? Why the shirts? Why did a group of young people put their lives on hold and move to Florida a week ago? Why would they trade everything they know, all their normal comfort and quiet, for a crowded house and endless hours of this word “community”? Why would they want to join a conversation that most people run from?

We’re trying to fight for people with kindness, with words that move, with honesty and creativity. We’re trying to push back at suicide with compassion, with hope. We’re pointing to wisdom, pointing to medicine, saying that hope is real, help is real. We’re fighting for our own stories, our own friends and families, our own broken hearts. We’re saying there’s nothing we can’t talk about, nothing off-limits. We’re kicking elephants out of living rooms, making room for life.

You. It’s about you. This is for you. It’s crap unless it moves you, crap unless it connects with your story, meets you in your pain, reminds you of your dreams, reminds you what’s possible.

We’re still alive, you see. You and i on this night that’s never happened before. Spread out across a giant circle, winter on one side and summer on the other, day and night the same. And then it moves and turns and changes. Things are always changing.

We are glad that you were born.
We are glad that you’re alive.

Don’t give up. Don’t give up on your story. Don’t give up on the people you love. Hope is real. Love is real. It’s all worth fighting for.”

I AM CURRENTLY

I got this from one of my favorite bloggers I follow: http://xjustanotherteenblogger.wordpress.com/ so I decided to do it too!

 

Making :: a list of all the things I need to accomplish this week. (lots of career and senior year junk!)
Drinking :: English Tea, aghhhh so delicious, especially right before bed.
Reading :: new apps available for my mac, deciding whether or not to download that maverick x, it has some pretty good reviews!
Wanting :: someone to give me a massage, because who doesn’t want that?  I’ve actually never had a professional one.
Looking :: for a sign that things are going to be okay.
Playing :: Restaurant story.  My life is literally a nerdy child game, gotta make those cakes all day everyday.
Wasting :: my time thinking about people that don’t think about me.
Eating :: really healthy lately.  Like seriously recording everything and under 1200 calories.  Gotta keep going for the 30 day fitness challenge 😉
Wishing :: that I could lose more weight faster!  It’s hard being patient and waiting for results!
Enjoying :: that I’m growing up and starting to make my own decisions and becoming who I want to be.
Waiting :: until I can go home for Thanksgiving and see my family.  I really miss seeing everyone, especially my parents.  It’s sad how long you took parents for granted in high school and middle school, and then in college it just hits you how important they really are.
Liking :: the fact that I have a sleep playlist on my itunes so I can drink my tea and listen in peace.  It helps me wind down for bed time.
Wondering :: how the job fair is going to go this Friday, gotta keep an open mind!
Loving :: this vanilla candle next to me.  Want to make me happy?  Buy me a candle.
Hoping :: I didn’t butcher that finance test.  It did not go how I expected and I just hope that I got a C, at least.
Marveling :: at how lucky I am.  I’m 21 years old and have experienced so many things in my life and have met such incredible people that have changed me.  14 countries, 7 mission trips, and college do that to you I guess.
Needing :: a tan because I’m pretty sure by Christmas I’m going to be translucent.
Smelling :: that damn amazing vanilla candle!!
Wearing :: the most ugly outfit you’ve ever seen.  Oversized Green Bay Packers sweatshirt, gray and pink yoga capri’s and royal blue fuzzy socks.
Following :: rules that I’ve made for myself is harder than you think, especially when I’m the one that’s made the rules.
Noticing :: that I probably should start going back to church.  Praying isn’t enough sometimes.
Knowing :: this is my last year of college and I need to keep living it up and saying Yes to whatever adventures come my way.
Thinking :: about where I should work out tomorrow, in the gym?  Run outside?  Hmmm
Bookmarking :: recipes!  I have found my new love for cooking and experimenting and surprisingly evernote is the best place to record it all.  I find a lot of them on blogs, pintrest and cooking light!
Opening :: my journal.  I need to keep writing, it’s an outlet that never fails.
Feeling :: a little sleepy, but so ready to get this week started!  My attitude is not the usual Monday blues!

Missing Girl, Found!

August 27 was my last blog post?! Oh dear me that is sad! But rest assured that I am no longer missing but alive and well in Minnesota. I had my first week of school, so I was getting settled in and on track! I’ll give you some pics to give you the jist of what you missed:

-I said goodbye to my internship, and they offered me a position after graduation!

-I went back to the office to help out at Harley Fest.

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(my Uncle and Dad’s bikes)

-I packed my car full and my parents were not very pleased. (yes, I still have a huge teddy bear)

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-I moved into my first off campus apartment!

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-I was reunited with friends.

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-I got to play with new kittens!

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-I lost 2 pounds.

-I started taking my operations management, finance, and business law classes.

-I got to get dressed up for a night on the town with my family.

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Basically what you missed!! I will try to write something every day from now on, promise!

Hil