Today was a day for me that is hard to describe in words. I woke up sad. Really sad. And I wanted to lay in my bed until 2:40pm and just be alone and drown in my self pity. But the more I thought about that, the more annoyed I got with myself and knew I had to get up. I’ve had days like these before, and sometimes I give in to the sadness, but today I didn’t. I yelled out loud to myself “STOP IT AND GET UP” and what do you know, my body shot up, my feet touched the ground and I was up. I turned on “Roll to Me” by Del Amitri on full blast and danced around, got in the shower, got ready, and ran out the door as fast as I could. I know from previous experience that if I stay in my house all alone, I just feel sadder.
As I walked, I put on all kinds of music, happy, sad, fall, and enjoyed every single word of every song. I took the time to look around at the neighborhoods I passed, the leaves changing colors, the amount of people walking to and from classes. It made me feel better, and most importantly I focused on breathing in and breathing out. It relaxed me completely and made me feel so much better, so much more alive.
Good things started happening: my class was canceled, I got to spend time with friends, and I completed things today that I’ve put aside for weeks. It’s as if when I left my apartment today that something just smacked me in my face, whether it be God or my own conscience, and screamed “HILARY, WAKE UP.” I can’t describe what it was like other than a lot of worries faded away, and I felt okay. I knew the answers to certain questions I had been wondering for weeks and felt truly inspired. I felt self worth, I felt empowerment, I felt freedom. I had the motivation to strive and I pushed all of the negative things holding me down aside.
I don’t know if on every bad day that I’ll have crazy epiphany’s like this, but whatever happened to me today was beautiful and not taken for granted.