When is your Short Term Relationship Over?

When did I realize my relationship was over?

When the witty, sarcastic texts that were “intelligent”
were now recognized as rude.

When the late night phone calls that woke me up to chat
were now ignored.

When his horrible singing and guitar playing that was “just so cute”,
was now nothing but complete annoyance.

When the hours without response at work were tolerable,
were now intolerable.

When his anger and command “came from a caring” place
was now recognized as his own selfishness and insecurity.

When his indecisiveness meant that he was “open-minded and self reflective”
instead of just being a reckless asshole.

But when did I really realize that my relationship was over?
When I woke up knowing I couldn’t give a damn if he was in my life anymore.

-Hilary

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I AM CURRENTLY

I got this from one of my favorite bloggers I follow: http://xjustanotherteenblogger.wordpress.com/ so I decided to do it too!

 

Making :: a list of all the things I need to accomplish this week. (lots of career and senior year junk!)
Drinking :: English Tea, aghhhh so delicious, especially right before bed.
Reading :: new apps available for my mac, deciding whether or not to download that maverick x, it has some pretty good reviews!
Wanting :: someone to give me a massage, because who doesn’t want that?  I’ve actually never had a professional one.
Looking :: for a sign that things are going to be okay.
Playing :: Restaurant story.  My life is literally a nerdy child game, gotta make those cakes all day everyday.
Wasting :: my time thinking about people that don’t think about me.
Eating :: really healthy lately.  Like seriously recording everything and under 1200 calories.  Gotta keep going for the 30 day fitness challenge 😉
Wishing :: that I could lose more weight faster!  It’s hard being patient and waiting for results!
Enjoying :: that I’m growing up and starting to make my own decisions and becoming who I want to be.
Waiting :: until I can go home for Thanksgiving and see my family.  I really miss seeing everyone, especially my parents.  It’s sad how long you took parents for granted in high school and middle school, and then in college it just hits you how important they really are.
Liking :: the fact that I have a sleep playlist on my itunes so I can drink my tea and listen in peace.  It helps me wind down for bed time.
Wondering :: how the job fair is going to go this Friday, gotta keep an open mind!
Loving :: this vanilla candle next to me.  Want to make me happy?  Buy me a candle.
Hoping :: I didn’t butcher that finance test.  It did not go how I expected and I just hope that I got a C, at least.
Marveling :: at how lucky I am.  I’m 21 years old and have experienced so many things in my life and have met such incredible people that have changed me.  14 countries, 7 mission trips, and college do that to you I guess.
Needing :: a tan because I’m pretty sure by Christmas I’m going to be translucent.
Smelling :: that damn amazing vanilla candle!!
Wearing :: the most ugly outfit you’ve ever seen.  Oversized Green Bay Packers sweatshirt, gray and pink yoga capri’s and royal blue fuzzy socks.
Following :: rules that I’ve made for myself is harder than you think, especially when I’m the one that’s made the rules.
Noticing :: that I probably should start going back to church.  Praying isn’t enough sometimes.
Knowing :: this is my last year of college and I need to keep living it up and saying Yes to whatever adventures come my way.
Thinking :: about where I should work out tomorrow, in the gym?  Run outside?  Hmmm
Bookmarking :: recipes!  I have found my new love for cooking and experimenting and surprisingly evernote is the best place to record it all.  I find a lot of them on blogs, pintrest and cooking light!
Opening :: my journal.  I need to keep writing, it’s an outlet that never fails.
Feeling :: a little sleepy, but so ready to get this week started!  My attitude is not the usual Monday blues!

I feel Good! (nah nah nah nah nah)

I knew that I would!

 

So, I am not a long distance runner, never have been and probably never will be.  My height is no help coming in at a raging 5’3″ and I have more curves than the Switzerland mountains.  When I was younger in high school and even middle school, I was the short distance runner.  I could slow jog for a good while, but I could have amazing bursts of speed which benefited me in all of the sports I played.  I was one of the fastest on the team when it came to sprints because of the amount of muscle I had pushing me forward.  Anyway–not long distance.

But I have long distance goals.  On my bucket list I have the goal to run in a 5k.  Not just participate but push myself to the very best.  My goal is to do it without stopping, and without walking.  I know this sounds weird but for some reason sometimes it’s like I mentally like giving up. There are moments when I’m on the treadmill and I’ll give up at .99 miles, or will go on the elliptical for 30 minutes and be done at 28. I don’t know why but that’s how my messed up mentality is. But today was a significant day for me. It sounds stupid but it’s true. I haven’t worked out hard in a long time. (I went on the elliptical yesterday and couldn’t believe how out of shape I was!). So I decided to call on my work out buddy and old roomie Anna. And we made a pact. Every Tuesday and Thursday at 9am we would run. Well today was the first day and guess what guys. I made it. I finished. I didn’t give up. I thank Anna for that considering there was a time at the 2.25 mile mark where she grabbed my sleeve and said “No Hil, it’s all down hill from here!” It literally was the best. And I never gave up or walked the rest of the way home, I finished strong.

Like I said, this sounds childish, but it meant a lot to me to push myself to the finish when I so frequently don’t see the finish. I felt so good and accomplished afterwards, you’d think I ran a marathon. But it was my own little marathon, and I finished.

The poem of the day to end this blog post is called “Dare to Be” By Steve Maraboli:

Dare to Be

When a new day begins, dare to smile gratefully.

When there is darkness, dare to be the first to shine a light.

When there is injustice, dare to be the first to condemn it.

When something seems difficult, dare to do it anyway.

When life seems to beat you down, dare to fight back.

When there seems to be no hope, dare to find some.

When you’re feeling tired, dare to keep going.

When times are tough, dare to be tougher.

When love hurts you, dare to love again.

When someone is hurting, dare to help them heal.

When another is lost, dare to help them find the way.

When a friend falls, dare to be the first to extend a hand.

When you cross paths with another, dare to make them smile.

When you feel great, dare to help someone else feel great too.

When the day has ended, dare to feel as you’ve done your best.

Dare to be the best you can –

At all times, Dare to be!

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Everything is Going to be Okay.

Today was a day for me that is hard to describe in words.  I woke up sad.  Really sad.  And I wanted to lay in my bed until 2:40pm and just be alone and drown in my self pity.  But the more I thought about that, the more annoyed I got with myself and knew I had to get up.  I’ve had days like these before, and sometimes I give in to the sadness, but today I didn’t.  I yelled out loud to myself “STOP IT AND GET UP” and what do you know, my body shot up, my feet touched the ground and I was up.  I turned on “Roll to Me” by Del Amitri on full blast and danced around, got in the shower, got ready, and ran out the door as fast as I could.  I know from previous experience that if I stay in my house all alone, I just feel sadder.

As I walked, I put on all kinds of music, happy, sad, fall, and enjoyed every single word of every song.  I took the time to look around at the neighborhoods I passed, the leaves changing colors, the amount of people walking to and from classes.  It made me feel better, and most importantly I focused on breathing in and breathing out.  It relaxed me completely and made me feel so much better, so much more alive.

Good things started happening: my class was canceled, I got to spend time with friends, and I completed things today that I’ve put aside for weeks.  It’s as if when I left my apartment today that something just smacked me in my face, whether it be God or my own conscience, and screamed “HILARY, WAKE UP.”  I can’t describe what it was like other than a lot of worries faded away, and I felt okay.  I knew the answers to certain questions I had been wondering for weeks and felt truly inspired.  I felt self worth, I felt empowerment, I felt freedom.  I had the motivation to strive and I pushed all of the negative things holding me down aside.

I don’t know if on every bad day that I’ll have crazy epiphany’s like this, but whatever happened to me today was beautiful and not taken for granted.

It’s the Little Things

I happened to be waiting in an on-campus restaurant where the wellness center was holding “grocery bingo”. I decided to join in while I waited and ended up winning! It was all Trader Joe’s products which included:
-Mac and cheese
-Lite Organic Kettle Corn
-Granola Bars
-Trail Mix Breakfast Packages
-Pumpkin Granola
-Spiced Apple Cider
-Maple Oatmeal
-Dried Peapods
-Bananas
-Organic Wild Berry Applesauce

Some of the foods are not my kind of snack, so I’m sharing but how cool was that?!! Thank you Campus Life for free groceries and making them healthy options !!

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Missing Girl, Found!

August 27 was my last blog post?! Oh dear me that is sad! But rest assured that I am no longer missing but alive and well in Minnesota. I had my first week of school, so I was getting settled in and on track! I’ll give you some pics to give you the jist of what you missed:

-I said goodbye to my internship, and they offered me a position after graduation!

-I went back to the office to help out at Harley Fest.

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(my Uncle and Dad’s bikes)

-I packed my car full and my parents were not very pleased. (yes, I still have a huge teddy bear)

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-I moved into my first off campus apartment!

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-I was reunited with friends.

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-I got to play with new kittens!

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-I lost 2 pounds.

-I started taking my operations management, finance, and business law classes.

-I got to get dressed up for a night on the town with my family.

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Basically what you missed!! I will try to write something every day from now on, promise!

Hil

The First Big Post

Hello Blogging Friends! (although I don’t have any yet)

This is my brand new blog. I have blogged in the past, but I had to keep it very professional considering all of the people that had my web link. However, no one I know has this link, strictly meant to relate and make friends over the internet (how creepy does that sound?).

I won’t take the time to tell you about myself because my awkward little blurb is in the about me section. But I do want to write about something that is happening to me tomorrow…..

My mom, dad and I are participating in a weight-loss challenge starting tomorrow morning when we’ll all get “buck naked” as my mom likes to call it, get on the scale and see the dreaded number. If that wasn’t bad enough, we each are putting money into the weight-loss competition jar. I’m putting $100 and my parents are putting $200 each. We all have goals that we made together so that it was “fair” depending on what our BMI’s are. It is 6 weeks long and we weigh in every 2 weeks. So for instance, my goal is to lose 4 pounds every two weeks. My dad’s is 4 the first 2 weeks and then 2 for the next and 2 for the last. My mom’s is to lose 1.5 every two weeks. If you make your goal for the two weeks you get to take money out, if you don’t you put money in. Simple as that, (whatever). So I’m psyching myself out for that because for a broke college kid that’s a ton of money to lose!!

At my internship that I work at we get to pick our food everyday, but what is going to really annoy me is making the right choices for lunch. It’s so much easier if those were the only options-healthy or healthy. It’s so much harder when there’s the option of the fries or the salad. Ya know what I mean? Besides, I need to eat healthy all together as a lifestyle change. I’ve worked fast food and unhealthy foods into my life and so now I need to work them back out. I’m getting pretty sleepy and need to be up by 7:30 so I’m going to hit the hay for tonight, but I’ll have updates on the “first day” for you tomorrow!

Sweet Dreams,

The girl who’s about to be healthy schmealthy