When did I realize my relationship was over?
When the witty, sarcastic texts that were “intelligent”
were now recognized as rude.
When the late night phone calls that woke me up to chat
were now ignored.
When his horrible singing and guitar playing that was “just so cute”,
was now nothing but complete annoyance.
When the hours without response at work were tolerable,
were now intolerable.
When his anger and command “came from a caring” place
was now recognized as his own selfishness and insecurity.
When his indecisiveness meant that he was “open-minded and self reflective”
instead of just being a reckless asshole.
But when did I really realize that my relationship was over?
When I woke up knowing I couldn’t give a damn if he was in my life anymore.
Come up to meet you, tell you I’m sorry, you don’t know how lovely you are.
I had to find you, tell you I need you, tell you I set you apart.
Tell me your secrets and ask me your questions
Oh let’s go back to the start
Running in circles, coming in tails
Heads on a science apart
Nobody said it was easy
It’s such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard
Oh, take me back to the start.
I was just guessing at numbers and figures
Pulling your puzzles apart
Questions of science, science and progress
Do not speak as loud as my heart
Tell me you love me, come back and haunt me
Oh and I rush to the start
Running in circles, chasing our tails
Coming back as we are
Nobody said it was easy
Oh it’s such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be so hard
I’m going back to the start
These lyrics completely described my yesterday/today.
Why do we do it ladies?
Why do we talk to our ex-boyfriends?
Maybe it was you reaching out to them to see if they’re the same or how they’ve been. Maybe it was them coming to you saying they missed you. And for a split second I bet you thought, it won’t hurt. It won’t matter talking to them this one time. You like the mystery of not knowing where it will go, the exhilarating feeling of not knowing where the conversation will take you. The thought of re-kindling could have even briefly crossed your mind. But deep deep down we all know that it’s a recipe for disaster.
You start talking and one of two things happens.
1. You develop a spark and continue to pursue it until one of you starts to remember the reason you broke up and old wounds are re-opened and it ends worse than the first time.
2. You realize how over it really is and how all feelings are dead because wow, he is an idiot.
Now I’m not saying that talking to every single ex you have will end this way or produce these results, because sometimes it can lead to a content place, even provide the closure you never had. But from my own experience, the majority never ends well with most ex’s and I can’t help but feel that I have a lot of lady-friends that can agree with me.
My business law professor once said, “Nothing good happens after 2am. If it’s past 2am and you’re up, just go straight to bed.” I find a correlation with what we need to remember about ex-boyfriends, girls. Nothing good is going to happen trying to re-kindle a past relationship (especially if it ended up badly), so let it go. No matter how curious you are, no matter what feelings are being brought back, save yourself the pain and the time. Walk away. Delete the text. Go to bed.
Maybe when you feel more in love with your memories than with the person standing in front of you.
Something I’ll never understand is when a guy says he’s ready to make you their everything but then goes behind your back and cheats. Uhm excuse me, no, you couldn’t even stay faithful or loyal, how could I ever be your everything?
Not only are you a horrible person for stabbing me in the back and cheating but now you’re a liar on top of it.
Somebody loves you if they pick an eyelash off of your face or wet a napkin and apply it to your dirty skin. You didn’t ask for these things, but this person went ahead and did it anyway. They don’t want to see you looking like a fool with eyelashes and crumbs on your face. They notice these things. They really look at you and are the first to notice if something is amiss with your beautiful visage!
Somebody loves you if they assume the role of caretaker when you’re sick. Unsure if someone really gives a shit about you? Fake a case of food poisoning and text them being like, “oh my god, so sick. need water.” Depending on their response, you’ll know whether or not they REALLY love you. “That’s terrible. Feel better!” earns you a stay in friendship jail; “Do you need anything? I can come over and bring you get well remedies!” gets you a cozy friendship suite. It’s easy to care about someone when they don’t need you. It’s easy to love them when they’re healthy and don’t ask you for anything beyond change for the parking meter. Being sick is different. Being sick means asking someone to hold your hair back when you vomit. Either love me with vomit in my hair or don’t love me at all.
Somebody loves you if they call you out on your bullshit. They’re not passive, they don’t just let you get away with murder. They know you well enough and care about you enough to ask you to chill out, to bust your balls, to tell you to stop. They aren’t passive observers in your life, they are in the trenches. They have an opinion about your decisions and the things you say and do. They want to be a part of it; they want to be a part of you.
Somebody loves you if they don’t mind the quiet. They don’t mind running errands with you or cleaning your apartment while blasting some annoying music. There’s no pressure, no need to fill the silences. You know how with some of your friends there needs to be some sort of activity for you to hang out? You don’t feel comfortable just shooting the shit and watching bad reality TV with them. You need something that will keep the both of you busy to ensure there won’t be a void. That’s not love. That’s “hey babe! i like you okay. do you wanna grab lunch? i think we have enough to talk about to fill two hours!” It’s a damn dream when you find someone you can do nothing with. Whether you’re skydiving together or sitting at home and doing different things, it’s always comfortable. That is fucking love.
Somebody loves you if they want you to be happy, even if that involves something that doesn’t benefit them. They realize the things you need to do in order to be content and come to terms with the fact that it might not include them. Never underestimate the gift of understanding. When there are so many people who are selfish and equate relationships as something that only must make them happy, having someone around who can take their needs out of any given situation if they need to.
Somebody loves you if they can order you food without having to be told what you want. Somebody loves you if they rub your back at any given moment. Somebody loves you if they give you oral sex without expecting anything back. Somebody loves you if they don’t care about your job or how much money you make. It’s a relationship where no one is selling something to the other. No one is the prostitute. Somebody loves you if they’ll watch a movie starring Kate Hudson because you really really want to see it. Somebody loves you if they’re able to create their own separate world with you, away from the internet and your job and family and friends. Just you and them.
Somebody will always love you. If you don’t think this is true, then you’re not paying close enough attention.