Saturday Morning Pictures

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Thursday Novemer 20, 2014

Rob’s in the kitchen making pizza, somewhere down in Battery Park.
I’m singing songs about the future wondering where you are.
I could call you on the telephone, but do I really want to know?
You’re making love now to the lady down the road-
No I don’t, I don’t want to know.

(Santa Monica Dream: Angus and Julia Stone)

Wednesday November 19, 2014

Come up to meet you, tell you I’m sorry, you don’t know how lovely you are.
I had to find you, tell you I need you, tell you I set you apart.

Tell me your secrets and ask me your questions
Oh let’s go back to the start
Running in circles, coming in tails
Heads on a science apart

Nobody said it was easy
It’s such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard
Oh, take me back to the start.

I was just guessing at numbers and figures
Pulling your puzzles apart
Questions of science, science and progress
Do not speak as loud as my heart

Tell me you love me, come back and haunt me
Oh and I rush to the start
Running in circles, chasing our tails
Coming back as we are

Nobody said it was easy
Oh it’s such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be so hard
I’m going back to the start

(The Scientist:Coldplay)
These lyrics completely described my yesterday/today.

Everything is Going to be Okay.

Today was a day for me that is hard to describe in words.  I woke up sad.  Really sad.  And I wanted to lay in my bed until 2:40pm and just be alone and drown in my self pity.  But the more I thought about that, the more annoyed I got with myself and knew I had to get up.  I’ve had days like these before, and sometimes I give in to the sadness, but today I didn’t.  I yelled out loud to myself “STOP IT AND GET UP” and what do you know, my body shot up, my feet touched the ground and I was up.  I turned on “Roll to Me” by Del Amitri on full blast and danced around, got in the shower, got ready, and ran out the door as fast as I could.  I know from previous experience that if I stay in my house all alone, I just feel sadder.

As I walked, I put on all kinds of music, happy, sad, fall, and enjoyed every single word of every song.  I took the time to look around at the neighborhoods I passed, the leaves changing colors, the amount of people walking to and from classes.  It made me feel better, and most importantly I focused on breathing in and breathing out.  It relaxed me completely and made me feel so much better, so much more alive.

Good things started happening: my class was canceled, I got to spend time with friends, and I completed things today that I’ve put aside for weeks.  It’s as if when I left my apartment today that something just smacked me in my face, whether it be God or my own conscience, and screamed “HILARY, WAKE UP.”  I can’t describe what it was like other than a lot of worries faded away, and I felt okay.  I knew the answers to certain questions I had been wondering for weeks and felt truly inspired.  I felt self worth, I felt empowerment, I felt freedom.  I had the motivation to strive and I pushed all of the negative things holding me down aside.

I don’t know if on every bad day that I’ll have crazy epiphany’s like this, but whatever happened to me today was beautiful and not taken for granted.